On the road again

We went to see Joe and Krissy for one more night and had a fun time going out to an adults only dinner. We traveled the next day to Pocatello ID and were lucky enough that Carl's cousin we having her baby blessed and we were able to see most of his Aunt Carolin's kids and Carl could spend time catching up with his cousins. It was especially nice for me to meet Allie, I had spoken to her on the phone and communicated through blogs. We then drove that evening to Alice's and were able to meet her husband Sherman. I was thrilled to see Alice smile so much and the kids truly love him. I hope to get to know him better as he becomes part of our family. It was wonderful to see Alice and James' kids, our kids were so sad when we left that night. We got to see them for a couple of hours the next day before we hit the road again. I was disappointed not to see Alice for longer, I love hanging out with her.

We then hit the road and I had been going back and forth about whether to go to Arco to James' grave. Many of you know I am still in denial, I pretend he is just out of the country stationed somewhere, not really gone at all. I kid myself that it hurts less that way. I kept telling myself that it didn't matter if I went by his grave, he isn't really there and he wont care. Carl was so supportive and said whatever I wanted to do was fine. Finally I knew that I needed to go, mostly for myself, this is my chance (who knows when I will be this close to Arco again?) and it is a step to acceptance. We went to the store and picked out flowers, which was strange, how to you pick out flowers for a man. Frankly James would rather have a half gallon of ice cream over flowers any day but I did not think they would appreciate melted ice cream all over his headstone. We drove and as we went I could feel that detestable knot tightening and growing, it feels as if it climbs in my chest and up my throat. I found it quickly when we got there and I bawled. It has been five years almost and I could not control the flow of tears. The kids helped me put the flowers there and then Carl took them to the car and gave me time alone. I don't know if it will ever get easier, I really miss him. I am grateful for the gospel, I know he is busy and is truly on a new mission but I miss him.

We left from there and drove to my parents house, it was a beautiful drive and no one threw up which for us makes a very successful road trip. We saw beautiful deer all along the way, I am still shocked we did not hit any as the sun set but Carl was careful and he has a talent of spotting wildlife.

When we arrived we were so happy to know we were at the spot we would stay for a whole six weeks (at least the kids and I. I was especially happy to see my parents, it has been two years.